My thoughts and feelings ATM.

How have I been and why am I not blogging religiously as how it used to be?

If I am to honestly answer the question above, I think my head will crash from the overflowing thoughts in my head. So let me answer that in no particular order of things. I am typing as I type. I am thinking as I think. So the order of stories would be as baloney as those statements.

Work. Work has been great so far. When I started working in Shell on July 2013, it changed my life. I have been on night shift (9pm-6am shift) for the first 6 months and that was quite of a challenge. I wasn’t able to get enough sleep. My body clock failed to get its arse straight. But thankfully, I was moved to 4pm-1am shift and now I’m on 5pm to 2am shift so it’s a lot bearable. I have been getting enough sleep. And also, the best thing is that we have a company shuttle that drives us home. Yes, door-to-door. Hmmm. My relationship with Shell will turn two years on July 1st, and guess what? My promotion’s effectivity is on July 1st as well! From being a senior Tax Analyst, I will be promoted to Tax Specialist and I will be moving from US business to Europe&Asia businesses. I am excited to learn new processes and bond with a new team. But oh, I love my current team now and it has been nothing but joy with them since day one. Thank You.

Events. Well, I’m not referring to specific events in my life. I’m referring to my events planning passion. So I have mentioned that entering Shell changed my life, well, one great factor as well is that because I was able to join the People Pillar in my department that organises events for the whole Managed Indirect Tax (MIT) – department that I’m in. And because, I think, I did well in it, I was recommended to be part of the Employee Engagement Team of SBO (Shell Business Operations) and I’m now engaged with all the events happening in Shell. How great it is to achieve work-life balance at work alone? It is my passion after all. Thank You.

Friends. Like they always say with friendship, it’s like a moving train. Sometimes, some of them board the train to teach you something but at one point, they’d stop at their designated platform. They come and go. But only true friends stay with you till the end of the journey. And for this, I am very thankful for all those who decided to stay. And thankful to life for teaching me one great lesson: it’s really not about the numbers. I am grateful that I know right now, I have the truest ones. Thank You.

Family. The thing I’m most grateful of. Actually, there was a big challenge we had to go through during my birthday week last year. But I am thankful that we overcame it and now I think we’re stronger and more bonded. There are issues that come and go but I wouldn’t want it any other way. Life would just give you proof re the saying “blood is thicker than water” and it sure is. Our kids as well are our bundle of joy. And oh, we were able to travel for the past years that we’re complete! Thank You.

Love. Finally having someone who loves you the way you want to be loved. Having someone who hugs you from the back and whispers those words you have been wanting to hear. Having someone who will be with you no matter what and considers you his best friend. Having the person who stares at you and when you look back into his eyes, you see the world where there is only you and him. I am blessed to have him. Thank You.

But. But the “buts” in life is what makes me stare blank at my free time. What makes me stop in the middle of churning my thoughts and will end up blank again. And this is why I have been gone. Lost and not completely myself. I want to say I’m not okay but no one will understand, not even myself. I want to say I want some things back but then I am not even sure. I want to say I am happy but I don’t even know how to match it with genuineness. I want clarity to my feelings and my thoughts yet no one would ever will. Or maybe no one can. I want to end what I don’t know what. Yes, it’s just all confusion and bewilderment. I don’t know this kind of feeling exist. And there’s one thing I’m just holding on to… Time. I believe it heals everything. And I have faith that one day, when I wake up, it’s no longer there. I have faith in time and in Him. One day. This and everything, will be sheer memories without the “feels”. (:

So there. These are my thoughts at 0200 hours.

xoxo, G

Pearl Wedding Anniversary

I am just as surprised that my parents’ renewal of vows for their 25th Silver wedding anniversary happened 5 years ago. And here’s a throwback.

Image

 

Now for my parents’ 30th Wedding Anniversary, my sisters and I planned (well, I initiated it) an intimate dinner for our family and with two closest relatives and one family friend. So we were 11 in total.

I wanted a private dinner. Romulo’s Cafe in Tomas Morato came to my mind since we had dinners there already and we saw their small rooms but I wanted a more elegant looking place but having the same budget. So I have been searching in google since I don’t have time for an ocular. A lot of restaurants showed up especially in BGC area but unfortunately, way over my budget. Good thing I came across ThaiPan! A Thai restaurant which is a stone’s throw away from Romulo’s. My sister and I visited the place a few days before and it’s perfect. Plus we have not dined here so perfect to venture a new restaurant. We had made a reservation and they did not ask for any reservation fee. Probably because it’s on a Monday. The room fits 12 for P5,000 consumable. There is also a room which can fit 25 pax for P12,000 consumable.

20140721-032629-12389891.jpg

20140721-032630-12390390.jpg

20140721-032629-12389629.jpg

20140721-032630-12390139.jpg

Our neighbor made the cake for my parents. I’m just thankful that a good supplier for cakes and cupcakes is near our place! I only gave her an idea of how I wanted the cake to look like and she had executed it very well.

20140721-032959-12599984.jpg

Everyone loved the food and drink! The Tah Koh Sakhoo dessert is a must try. Their PadThai would not disappoint you. The cucumber drink though, don’t get it if you are not so into cucumber. (:

20140721-033427-12867631.jpg

20140721-033428-12868437.jpg

20140721-033428-12868690.jpg

20140721-033428-12868177.jpg

20140721-033427-12867890.jpg

The bill got a little over than P5,000 plus I got the cake for a discounted price of P1,300. Another mission accomplished!

I would really love to be a party planner/organizer. That is why I put up things like this when possible. Good thing people, like my sisters, are there to support financially. Haha.

But the main purpose is really to celebrate the love my parents had been sharing not just for the two of them but also for us, their children. 30 years. Wow.

Cheers to love!

xoxo,
G

(anonymous)

In a brief conversation, a man, speaking to a woman, was out to pursue the question, “What kind of man are you looking for?”

She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asked, “Do you really want to know?”
Reluctantly, he said, “Yes” as she began to expound…

“As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can’t do for myself.

I pay my own bills.

I take care of my household without the help of any man- or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, ‘What can you bring to the table?'”

The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money.

She quickly corrected his thought and stated, “I am not referring to money… I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life.”

He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain.

She said,

“I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection Mentally. I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don’t need a simple-minded man.

I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection Spiritually because I don’t need to be unequally yoked… Believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster.

I need a man who is striving for perfection Financially because I don’t need a financial… burden.

I am looking for someone who is Sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but Strong enough to keep me grounded.

I am looking for someone who I can Respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn’t taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive… He just has to be worthy.

God made woman to be a helpmate for man. At this, I can’t help a man if he can’t help himself.”

When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face, and exclaimed, “You’re asking for a whole lot!”

To which she gracefully replied…

“Only if you think I’m not WORTH a lot.”

The One That Got Away

When Katy Perry’s new song – The One That Got Away was released, it immediately trended on Twitter. I then remembered the story I wrote with Tricia. I immediately dig my back-up files to look for it. We wrote it way back during our English Writing class on our freshmen year in college. Our professor asked us to group ourselves for our next seat-work and we were tasked to write a short story that will show flow of events. Before, group means just us – Tricia and I.   It was 14th of February then. Being single on that date made both of us ummm… not sad but rather feeling eeewwy with all the couples getting so sweety everywhere. But partly, somewhere down our thoughts and feelings, we’re asking ourselves when are we going to have that cheesy sh*t too. :] So, that’s where we got our inspiration in writing and the story The One That Got Away was the result.  A lot of things happened during our college days. I had a boyfriend and Tricia had her love moments as well though a little different from me. In short, we did fall in love. But as college ended we were back on the same state as how we started. Well, that’s life. At least even from the start, Tricia and I both know that we can’t always have our happy ending. But I believe that there’s gotta be magic somewhere. Just believe. There’s gotta be magic.

________________________________________________________________

I’m sharing the story by the way. Here it is:

The One That Got Away

The soft music from the radio is playing while I stand by the window. At the side, I could make out my dress laid neatly on the bed. It’s a wonderful dress with its silky fabric and its stunning style. Finding it was difficult for I want everything to be perfect for this day. I think about him as I look out into the busy street below. I could hear the other guest bustling outside my room. I can tell that they’re excited about the wedding. I could understand them after all it’s a big day. I’m having goose bumps and my stomach is full of butterflies. I can’t believe this day is happening. To think that 6 years ago, I was 17 when I met him.

flashback…
It was my cousin’s birthday bash then. He had the restaurant completely shut down for us. The lights were wildly dancing and the place was packed of griding people. It wasn’t a good day so I was left sitting in the bar and downing my nth drink. Soon, I was feeling hazy and hot. Then, I found myself loudly proposing for a toast for my cousin’s special day. I could feel eyes on me, but I was too tipsy to care. The next day, the first day of the second semester, I was sitting in a bench in the UST alumni walkway when someone, wearing a neat Architecture uniform, sat beside me. I discreetly looked around and saw that the other benches in the walkway were taken. I looked up and saw the Archi-guy smiling boyishly at me. I remember him saying he remembered me from my cousin’s birthday bash last night and what’s horrible is that he also mentioned remembering my ‘oh-so’ loud display of drunken madness. With cheeks flaming furiously, I asked him why I didn’t see him from last night. He gave a smirk and told me that he had to go somewhere else. I nodded and muttered that I was going to be late for class before quickly leaving. At that moment, I was deeply wishing that I’d never see that man again. It’s so embarrassing! But alas, the next day I found out that we belong to te same PE class. Since I was late and he was late too, we were partnered up for the warm-up exercises. Since I have no block mates or people I know in the PE class, this Archi-guy became my sole companion from 9 am, when the class started, to 11 am, when it ended, and until 3pm, when my class would start and he would go home. It soon became our routine every Tuesday morning and talking with him came as naturally as picking Accounting for my course. Soon, the semester ended and another year came but we never stopped being the close friends we are. The inevitable, too, happened – I fell so deeply in love with him.

For so long, I was so sure that a day would come that he would profess his undying love for me and he would knock me off my feet –  just like in the movies. And one faithful Valentines day, when the air was cold and love dominated everything, he called me. He said he needed me to go to the small Italian restaurant we always eat lunch in, Sicilian, so I immediately made my way to Dapitan street with my mind shouting that I would soon be getting my “happy ever after”. However, every detail or bit of my fairy tale crashed when he entered with a pretty petite gal in tow. Everything that followed was kind of blurry. Probably my mind made it that way to save me from all the pain that I would be feeling. What hurts most is he introduced me as his best friend to his girlfriend. I didn’t cry, however. All I did was smile and try to be a little bit happy for them. After all, having him as a friend is better than being complete strangers. However, that hope for that happy ending never vanished.


A couple of years later, here we are, the soft church song playing in the background. I watch him smile warmly at me before facing the altar. I never got that happy ending – not with him. Today is his wedding day with the girl he introduced me years back. I am happy, to say the least, that he found his happiness. I hear him proudly say ” I do ” and he turned to face his bride with love-filled eyes. “If anyone here knows why these two people should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace” the priest said. For so long I believed I would be one to protest, but I am at peace with everything now. I know that she makes him happy in a way I wouldn’t been able to. I will always love him and that would never change. Love, for me, isn’t really about spending the rest of your lives together. It’s more about the intensity of your feeling and how far your willing to go for someone.

by

Tricia Bordado

Gem Gutierrez

________________________________________________________________

Every time I read the story it feels like I’m reading it for the first time. All the pain gets inside me every time I’m on the last part of the story. I guess our short story is very moving even for me.

HAPPINESS! That’s all we deserve. I hope everyone finds theirs, especially Tricia.

Love, I’m on you! (:

xoxo,

G

It is what it is

A relationship ends because you’ve outgrown it. It can begin again because you, as two, can fill the new shape. I thought he was going to be in my life forever. Then i thought i was wrong. Now he’s back. But this time i know what’s certain: he will be gone again, and back again and again and again because nothing is permanent. Especially people. Strangers become friends. Friends become lovers. Lovers become strangers. Strangers become friends once more, and over and over.
-Megan McCafferty, Charmed Thirds 

 

solo el amor

solo el amor

“What do I know for sure? We must choose love.

It may require
bravery

it may require
submission

it may require
letting go

but choose
and it will be honored.

And it will be right.
And it will bless others as much as i was blessed tonight. “

– anonymous

Para mi primer amor verdadero, le amaré hasta los finales del tiempo.

xoxo, G