My thoughts and feelings ATM.

How have I been and why am I not blogging religiously as how it used to be?

If I am to honestly answer the question above, I think my head will crash from the overflowing thoughts in my head. So let me answer that in no particular order of things. I am typing as I type. I am thinking as I think. So the order of stories would be as baloney as those statements.

Work. Work has been great so far. When I started working in Shell on July 2013, it changed my life. I have been on night shift (9pm-6am shift) for the first 6 months and that was quite of a challenge. I wasn’t able to get enough sleep. My body clock failed to get its arse straight. But thankfully, I was moved to 4pm-1am shift and now I’m on 5pm to 2am shift so it’s a lot bearable. I have been getting enough sleep. And also, the best thing is that we have a company shuttle that drives us home. Yes, door-to-door. Hmmm. My relationship with Shell will turn two years on July 1st, and guess what? My promotion’s effectivity is on July 1st as well! From being a senior Tax Analyst, I will be promoted to Tax Specialist and I will be moving from US business to Europe&Asia businesses. I am excited to learn new processes and bond with a new team. But oh, I love my current team now and it has been nothing but joy with them since day one. Thank You.

Events. Well, I’m not referring to specific events in my life. I’m referring to my events planning passion. So I have mentioned that entering Shell changed my life, well, one great factor as well is that because I was able to join the People Pillar in my department that organises events for the whole Managed Indirect Tax (MIT) – department that I’m in. And because, I think, I did well in it, I was recommended to be part of the Employee Engagement Team of SBO (Shell Business Operations) and I’m now engaged with all the events happening in Shell. How great it is to achieve work-life balance at work alone? It is my passion after all. Thank You.

Friends. Like they always say with friendship, it’s like a moving train. Sometimes, some of them board the train to teach you something but at one point, they’d stop at their designated platform. They come and go. But only true friends stay with you till the end of the journey. And for this, I am very thankful for all those who decided to stay. And thankful to life for teaching me one great lesson: it’s really not about the numbers. I am grateful that I know right now, I have the truest ones. Thank You.

Family. The thing I’m most grateful of. Actually, there was a big challenge we had to go through during my birthday week last year. But I am thankful that we overcame it and now I think we’re stronger and more bonded. There are issues that come and go but I wouldn’t want it any other way. Life would just give you proof re the saying “blood is thicker than water” and it sure is. Our kids as well are our bundle of joy. And oh, we were able to travel for the past years that we’re complete! Thank You.

Love. Finally having someone who loves you the way you want to be loved. Having someone who hugs you from the back and whispers those words you have been wanting to hear. Having someone who will be with you no matter what and considers you his best friend. Having the person who stares at you and when you look back into his eyes, you see the world where there is only you and him. I am blessed to have him. Thank You.

But. But the “buts” in life is what makes me stare blank at my free time. What makes me stop in the middle of churning my thoughts and will end up blank again. And this is why I have been gone. Lost and not completely myself. I want to say I’m not okay but no one will understand, not even myself. I want to say I want some things back but then I am not even sure. I want to say I am happy but I don’t even know how to match it with genuineness. I want clarity to my feelings and my thoughts yet no one would ever will. Or maybe no one can. I want to end what I don’t know what. Yes, it’s just all confusion and bewilderment. I don’t know this kind of feeling exist. And there’s one thing I’m just holding on to… Time. I believe it heals everything. And I have faith that one day, when I wake up, it’s no longer there. I have faith in time and in Him. One day. This and everything, will be sheer memories without the “feels”. (:

So there. These are my thoughts at 0200 hours.

xoxo, G